I think it will be good at this point to take an interlude and have a look at a practical issue around leadership. This will be the first in a sub-series on practical leadership. The question is where to begin, with so many thoughts and opinions, I don't want to give you the latest fad.
I recently did a leadership training session at a local school and while working through the planned content I realized that we live in a society where people are not willing to have difficult, frank conversations and speak through difficult topics.
It amazes me that we look at others and see the flaws which for us are so obvious (I am not referring to preference) and will hold them back and stop them from reaching their own full potential and yet how often do we sit with them and speak to them about it? We see people making the same mistakes over and over and yet not say anything about it but let them go on making the same mistakes, running into the same wall and we sit back and let them do it.
Now I realize that sitting someone down and telling them that what they are doing is either wrong or unhelpful, is not always an easy thing, but here is the reality, if there was something that you were doing and it was limiting you, would you not want someone to tell you about it, would you not want to know that someone else was so invested in you that they were willing to have a difficult conversation with you? I know I would!
But there are some practical things to keep in mind if you are going to start taking leadership seriously enough to have these conversations with people:
i. Have a relationship that can handle hard conversation
You cannot just call someone into an office, sit them down and tell them that they are wrong - well you actually can, but you wont get the result you may be looking for. It is helpful to have built a relationship where the other person knows that you have an interest in them - not just what they do for you, but them as a person; their family, hobbies, life in general outside (and inside) the office.
ii. The right motive
The first point leads directly onto this one - if someone has been able to get to know you, then they will be sure of your motive and know that when you have these conversations that you are looking out for their best interest, they will not only listen to you, but hear you as well. A word of warning: be sure that your motive IS for their success! If you are only worried about the company, or your reputation as a manager/leader, you may still get the change that you are looking for, but you will get someone who will only do it when you are there and worse than this, you may even produce someone in your team who has it out for you and will never have your back or be on your side.
iii. Be tempered with grace
In your speaking and dealing, be sure that you speak with grace and compassion towards the person, knowing that you also don't have all together and that at some poinr you will (hopefully) be on the other side of the conversation.
With the last point in mind, I am well aware that as I write this, I don't always get it right; my speech is not always laced with compassion and my attitude and tone are not always gracious. But this is the beauty of taking this approach and having this attitude towards other, when there is grace for them, they will give you grace when you need it, and trust me - there will come a time when you need it.
I trust this is helpful, and as said before, please feel free to share, comment and ask questions (especially if there are some topics that you would like me to give some thoughts on).
Thursday, 26 February 2015
Tuesday, 17 February 2015
The Conflict Within
There are times in life where you the choice that needs to be made leaves you with a rather difficult battle in your head and your heart. It is at these times that knowing your values is of paramount importance.
Knowing your values and what you believe in is the first step, but the outworking of that is a different ball game. What happens when your line manager asks you to destroy some information which may be critical to the company? What happens when that information may be used against your company? As we have said before, your values limit the bounds of what you will do, but when you value loyalty as well as integrity, which one "wins" in this situation? That is where it becomes important to distinguish which values hold more weight for yourself, and a company should be doing the same.
One of my values is kindness, while I also hold honesty in high regard, so when it comes to challenging someone on something that I feel is not right, how is it possible to be both honest and kind? While it is possible, to do both in the same situation, if is where not, I would have to choose which is more important. For me, honesty is of greater importance than kindness - if I may offend you by telling you the truth, I would still be honest and speak the truth at the risk of loosing relationship.
The crux of the matter is that you need to know which of your values is most important to you, as well as which ones you are willing to negotiate on. A time will come when this WILL happen. The way we respond to situations will show what we value and often others will be able to tell us what is of most importance to us but the way we interact with them The thing is that we need to know beforehand what it is that we value and change the way we respond so that it is clearly seen by others.
Previously I suggested that you write down your values, I would now strongly encourage you to rank them in order to importance and then be intentional about how you respond is situations so that others can see and know what we stand for.
Knowing your values and what you believe in is the first step, but the outworking of that is a different ball game. What happens when your line manager asks you to destroy some information which may be critical to the company? What happens when that information may be used against your company? As we have said before, your values limit the bounds of what you will do, but when you value loyalty as well as integrity, which one "wins" in this situation? That is where it becomes important to distinguish which values hold more weight for yourself, and a company should be doing the same.
One of my values is kindness, while I also hold honesty in high regard, so when it comes to challenging someone on something that I feel is not right, how is it possible to be both honest and kind? While it is possible, to do both in the same situation, if is where not, I would have to choose which is more important. For me, honesty is of greater importance than kindness - if I may offend you by telling you the truth, I would still be honest and speak the truth at the risk of loosing relationship.
The crux of the matter is that you need to know which of your values is most important to you, as well as which ones you are willing to negotiate on. A time will come when this WILL happen. The way we respond to situations will show what we value and often others will be able to tell us what is of most importance to us but the way we interact with them The thing is that we need to know beforehand what it is that we value and change the way we respond so that it is clearly seen by others.
Previously I suggested that you write down your values, I would now strongly encourage you to rank them in order to importance and then be intentional about how you respond is situations so that others can see and know what we stand for.
Friday, 13 February 2015
The Root of Values
In the last article, I discussed how I fell that values need to be the beginning of leadership training. It is all good and well that we should know our values, but the question needs to be asked and answered: "where do we get out values from?"
We cannot rely on popular culture to direct our values, different societies hold to different things, and culture changes over time - some things that are acceptable today, were not tolerated 20 years ago. If you go back through history, you will see the alternate being true as well - not that long ago slavery was considered normal behaviour, now this would be frowned on in most cultures.
When I think about values, there are a few places that I can think of that we build our own from and the most important of these are religious beliefs, family and experience. All three of these define, shape and mould our values - those things which guide what and how we do it.
Religious Beliefs
Most religions have guidelines, some may call them commands, which we are expected to follow. These commands are there to help guide the way that we conduct ourselves. Most religions will agree that murder is not an option, although some may speak of extenuating circumstances. Most will agree that lying, cheating and steeling are not the best course of action, and there few that would disagree that showing kindness is of benefit. We should no what our beliefs expect.
Family
Our parents instilled something in us that defines what we choose and how we choose it. They showed us these values, based on how they live and what they felt is right and moral. There is a saying that goes "it is better caught than taught" and this is especially true of the values that we get from our parents. As we grow up in a home, what is done and encouraged as well as what is discouraged helps to define something of the values that we have. If exercise was was a common activity in your house while you were growing up, the chances are that you will have a value of physical fitness and strength.
Experience
As we grow up, go through education systems and then find ourselves in the ranks of the work force, we go through different things and are either tainted or shaped by them. Based on experience, I can tell you that for me quality is the value, and not quantity, for others it may be that life has taught you that friends are more trustworthy than family. The fact is that as we experience things, we learn, and as we learn, we grow in our convictions and values.
While there are other areas that we get values from, these three often prove to be the most often places for finding them.
If you are reading this, I would encourage you to write down what your own values are, understand where you get them from and also which are the most important to you. The next article will be about how to cope when your own values seems to contradict each other.
Please share and comment as well as feel free to ask questions.
We cannot rely on popular culture to direct our values, different societies hold to different things, and culture changes over time - some things that are acceptable today, were not tolerated 20 years ago. If you go back through history, you will see the alternate being true as well - not that long ago slavery was considered normal behaviour, now this would be frowned on in most cultures.
When I think about values, there are a few places that I can think of that we build our own from and the most important of these are religious beliefs, family and experience. All three of these define, shape and mould our values - those things which guide what and how we do it.
Religious Beliefs
Most religions have guidelines, some may call them commands, which we are expected to follow. These commands are there to help guide the way that we conduct ourselves. Most religions will agree that murder is not an option, although some may speak of extenuating circumstances. Most will agree that lying, cheating and steeling are not the best course of action, and there few that would disagree that showing kindness is of benefit. We should no what our beliefs expect.
Family
Our parents instilled something in us that defines what we choose and how we choose it. They showed us these values, based on how they live and what they felt is right and moral. There is a saying that goes "it is better caught than taught" and this is especially true of the values that we get from our parents. As we grow up in a home, what is done and encouraged as well as what is discouraged helps to define something of the values that we have. If exercise was was a common activity in your house while you were growing up, the chances are that you will have a value of physical fitness and strength.
Experience
As we grow up, go through education systems and then find ourselves in the ranks of the work force, we go through different things and are either tainted or shaped by them. Based on experience, I can tell you that for me quality is the value, and not quantity, for others it may be that life has taught you that friends are more trustworthy than family. The fact is that as we experience things, we learn, and as we learn, we grow in our convictions and values.
While there are other areas that we get values from, these three often prove to be the most often places for finding them.
If you are reading this, I would encourage you to write down what your own values are, understand where you get them from and also which are the most important to you. The next article will be about how to cope when your own values seems to contradict each other.
Please share and comment as well as feel free to ask questions.
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